so i came home from school today to find a card on my pillow. I assumed it was another cheesy hallmark birthday card from some random family member but it happened to be a card from an old friend of mine. I almost fell over when i read the inside. she is 3 months pregnant and she is getting married in may which also happens to be the month she turns 17, so yeah i was shocked. I mean i havent talked to her in about a year but we used to be friends in our 13-14 yr old days and we were so close. She was a little wild and it was almost expected judging from her experience with guys i mean but still i just dont know what to think....and

besides that another one of my good friends decided to inform me that she talked to this guy i met from England last night. I thought he was perfect and we hung out for a while about 2 months ago and we hadnt kissed or anything yet but somehow it got screwed up. we drifted away from each other and well he like fell  in love with this college girl he met and forgot about me i guess. i didnt talk to him up until a week ago when his gf moved back home to Florida for a while. And after telling my best friend how confused i was last night she presumes to talk to him on myspace and tell him to call her and they talked for 40 minutes. she said she wanted to hear what his voice sounded like bc he has an accent and all and he was funny. I didnt know what to say, she honestly thought that there was nothing wrong with this. i hate my life and i hate both of them. why is it that everything gets screwed up. you cant have everything....if school is good, the friends are gonna suck. if the friends are good the family sucks.

i just had to write all this shit down, even if no one cares.

happy 17th birthday!!!!!!!!

woooooooohooooo.

Yo.

  NY I will be seeing you in April. gah i'm so excited i can hardly stand it. I'm planning on listening to Madonna--I love New York while the plane is landing, haha. I don't even know what i am going to do while i am there but just to be out of this close-minded little town will be enough for me.

This is my copy for the basketball page I'm working on for my school's yearbook. tell me what you think : ]

Real games don’t involve a perfect sequence of layouts; it’s much more than that. This fast-paced competition can be random and hectic. I’m whirling at odd angles, and my defender is in a different position every time I look up from the ball. If the pass is a little off, I could be the cause for my team’s loss. There is an immense pressure on my shoulders. The only thing I can hear is my own voice repeating over and over, “don’t drop the ball….” Even though this game appears to be so uncontrollable, there is a unique order and synchronization between the players on my team. Many situations were put into practice at scrimmages and we also observed past mistakes made during plays to prepare us to perform our best this season. My constant practice and my knowledge of the game all led up to this moment. Placing my right sneaker one inch behind the three point line, I evaluate the basket while leveling my gaze. My eyes quickly scan the court and I look to each side at my team mates who are unable to receive the ball and carry out the original plan. Not only is this a competition between our two teams, but it has also become a race against the clock. There is a sudden stillness around me and I become conscious that my only option is to shoot. My hands are sweating making the ball even more difficult to grip. My body suddenly connects with my brain and launches into motion. I raise my arms above my head and angle my wrists to shoot. The only sound I hear is my heart pounding in my ears as I watch the ball climb through the space between myself and the goal. I fall to my knees as the ball ascends into the net. Nothing will ever compare to the relief and elation I felt as the crowd began to roar and the final buzzer sounded.

I haven't been on here in a while so i thought i'd atleast write something since i'm bored and it's 2 am. I wrkd fri,sat,and sun so i haven't done anything that fun this looonngg weekend but i have enjoyed the time away from school anyway and I made $ this wknd which is always nice : )

anyway so i really wanted to go see this band panic at the disco on the 16th in atlanta but i didnt get tickets and it was sold out plus i can't drive in that traffic. i tried to get a ride but ofcourse it was pointless. it would have been amazing but i will get over it. i know i will get to go to a show eventually. Secret lives played at nbt in columbia the same nite however i did not know this but my friend trish went. we are cool with each other but my close friends aren't as into the whole hardcore music scene as i am and honestly they don't really want to go to shows unless it is just an unplanned event but that rarely happens so i don't get to do what i love most bc the people im around dont share that with me. the only person i have is trish and i wish i could have some people to go with more often who i could share my love of music with, but i just haven't met anyone yet and its really annoying. why do i have to live in this boring little town too far away from anything to actually go see a band without it being some big thing.

anyway i have been having fun this wknd besides that whole deal. i feel so out of place sometimes.why can't i just be me?

it seems impossible outside the walls of my room and with anyone besides myself.

later guys.